Psychoanalyst Reveals the Real Reason Men Cheat — And It’s Not About Sex
For decades, people have debated why men cheat — with most assuming it comes down to lust or opportunity. But according to London-based psychoanalyst Juliet Rosenfeld, the truth runs far deeper than physical desire.
After more than twenty years working with couples, Rosenfeld says she’s discovered a consistent emotional pattern behind most male infidelity — one that often begins long before a relationship ever starts.
In a column for the Daily Mail, she cited a 2018 YouGov survey showing that one in five people admit to having cheated. While popular belief suggests men are more unfaithful, Rosenfeld argues that men and women stray for very different reasons.
“Contrary to what most people think, it’s never just about sex,” she explained. “In fact, the roots of infidelity are usually laid down decades before it happens.”
1. The Weight of Midlife Pressure
Rosenfeld points out that emotional strain — not passion — is often the trigger.
“Financial worries, career setbacks, caring for aging parents, or the loneliness that comes with an empty nest can make men long for distraction or change,” she wrote. “In my experience, economics can play a big role in affairs.”
2. Escaping Emotional Pain
Some men, she says, use infidelity as a form of self-medication to escape depression or unresolved trauma.
One of her patients admitted that his affair wasn’t about desire — it was an attempt to numb the sadness of a lonely, difficult childhood.
3. A Need for Acceptance
According to Rosenfeld, many unfaithful men are chasing something they’ve missed since childhood: validation.
“Those who feel unseen or unappreciated often look elsewhere for the love and attention they never truly felt,” she explained. “People who feel loved, seen, and cared for do not have affairs.”
4. Avoiding Unhappiness — or Aging
While affairs are never justified, Rosenfeld notes that some men turn to new relationships to escape feelings of inadequacy or aging.
“For someone starved of affection and respect, a new partner can highlight what’s missing in an unhappy relationship,” she said.
Others, she added, use infidelity as a way to deny the reality of growing older — seeking reassurance through attraction or excitement.
Ultimately, Rosenfeld emphasizes that infidelity is rarely about sex at all. It’s about pain, emptiness, and emotional disconnection — feelings that often trace back to much earlier experiences in life.
“Affairs don’t excuse betrayal,” she concluded, “but they do reveal the hidden wounds many people carry beneath the surface of their relationships.”