Graysexual People Share the Moment They Realized Their Identity

Most adults fall into the category of allosexual — people who experience sexual attraction, whether straight, gay, bisexual, pansexual, or otherwise.

On the other end of the spectrum is asexuality, where roughly 1% of people feel no sexual attraction at all.

But sexuality isn’t always so clear-cut. Between those two points exists graysexuality (also called greysexuality), a term for those who feel sexual attraction only in rare circumstances, very infrequently, or not strongly enough to act on it.

Graysexuality is part of the broader asexual spectrum, which also includes identities like demisexuality. (For example, last year singer Tulisa from N-Dubz revealed she is demisexual — needing a deep emotional connection before feeling sexual desire.)

While the term is gaining recognition, it’s still often misunderstood. Many graysexual individuals say they’ve faced skepticism or confusion about their experiences. Online communities, such as the growing r/greysexuality subreddit, have become valuable spaces for sharing stories and finding acceptance.

Recently, one Reddit user started a discussion asking others to share the moment they realized they were graysexual. Many described gradual self-awareness, often beginning in adolescence but taking years to fully name.

“I’ve only had a real sexual attraction once in my life,” the original poster wrote. “I’d have crushes, but they were decades apart. When I saw someone I found attractive, I didn’t think about sex — I just wanted to be around them. When my first boyfriend made a sexual move, I hated it and told him never to do it again.”

For some, dating experiences revealed the truth:

“I thought being attracted to someone meant thinking they were nice or fun to be around,” one user said. “But when it came to physical touch or kissing, I didn’t enjoy it.”

Others noticed patterns of fluctuating desire:

“For a while I thought I was fully ace,” another commenter explained. “But every couple of months, I’d suddenly feel some attraction and want intimacy. I like calling myself grey because it’s a broad, flexible label for something that feels both specific and hard to define.”

For many, discovering the word graysexual didn’t feel like restriction — it felt like freedom. It provided language for a part of themselves they had struggled to explain for years, turning confusion into clarity and isolation into connection.